It's all coming down around my ears. I know I've been away a long time, but I feel a need to get this all out.

It seems that in the last few months, my life has taken the most downward slope imaginable. I've lost the only thing I cared about, been diagnosed as borderline schizophrenic, and I'm doing terribly at my Networking course. It's like I can't do anything right at the moment.

I'm trying to make a change. Trying to move on and enjoy life. It's hard when you have this voice in your head that screams at you all day telling you that you're worthless, and that you'll never amount to anything. Kind of puts a dampener on things.

Sometimes I wish I had a better life, and then I look at it: what about all the other poor bastards out there? I mean, sure, I'm going crazy and I lost the person I loved more than life itself, but hey, some people out there never GOT the person they loved. But the old adage comes in; is it better to have loved and lost, or never loved at all?

In my case, I think I would have been better off never having loved. If the pain was only half of this, then I'd gladly pay that price.

I know this is longwinded. I don't care.

I'm looking at moving to Canada at the end of this year. Probably for 6-12 months, on a working holiday. Australia holds nothing for me, so I'll go there and see what it's like, and if I like it, then stay there.

I finally did something with my webspace: http://users.on.net/hoogs/ for anyone that's interested. I need some nice free redirection; I can't get cpd.tk for free anymore. Oh well.

And now I think about it, I really miss Laura and Julie. They're on TIG too. (arcticfox and Julz respectively)

This is me, signing off.